RECIPROCAL BLUE:

Thadius comes across Algernon's indoor Mound

'I see the fireplace is going in here you foss—oh, hello.'

'Hello Mr. Shaw, sir.'

'Goodnight, Mr. Shaw.'

'Any particular reason you ladies are just standing around in here? And why is the fireplace going? And wh—'

'Well Mr. Sh—oh, apologies, I've interrupted you.'

'No that's alright, go on, I was just asking where the old coot is.'

'He, yes, Master Glücksschwalbe is here presently, sir.'

'Hence why the fireplace is currently active, sir.'

'Precisely, and our presence here in Master Glücksschwalbe's chambers was requested by Master Glücksschwalbe himself.'

'Okay, okay, so but I don't see the old fucker anywhere in here, am I wrong?'

'Sir, he is with us presently.'

'Presently, right. Look I'll ask this question about as directly as I can muster at such a late hour, alright?'

'Yes sir.'

'Where, pray tell, in this room, is the geriatric numbskull that requested you stand around here, in this room?'

'I would point in Master Glücksschwalbe's direction, sir, but he has requested of all staff that they do not point at him for any reason.'

'Just a clue then, perhaps just tell me, seems simple enough, no?'

'Yes sir.'

'Well out with it.'

'Sir, he is sitting in front of the fireplace

'Oh he is, is he?'

'Yes sir.'

'Yes sir, he surely is.'

'So you mean to tell me this enormous monstrosity that I have until now been contemplating bringing up, this thing that is clearly made of mud and pebbles and reaches nearly to the crest of the cathedral ceiling, is somehow my dear old brother? That's what the two of you appear to be saying?''

'No sir, we are not saying that at all.'

'Not at all, sir.'

'Either of you knuckleheads want to elaborate any further or shall I just bash my head into one of yours to get a better understanding?'

'Mr. Shaw, sir, Master Glücksschwalbe is inside of it.'

'Oh he is, is he?'

'Yes sir.'

'Well let's just have a little looksie.'

'...'

'Historical Christ on a forest green fixed-speed bicycle, last seen heading eastbound on the shoulder of the interstate. What the goddamn hell are you doing in there? How did he get in there?'

'Master Glücksschwalbe, we believe, constructed this, um, structure, two nights ago, and has apparently sealed his lower half in the mud.'

'The mud, sir, you can see, has dried and hardened from the fireplace's heat.'

'When moisture is pulled from th—'

'Right, thanks, understood.'

'Yes sir.'

'Well what the hell is he doing? Why isn't he saying anything? He is awake, isn't he? He looks awake.'

'He is awake, sir.'

'Hey you're awake aren't you? Hello?'

'Master Glücksschwalbe, since he has enclosed himself in this large object in front of the fireplace, has not spoken aside from instructing us to stoke the flames whenever necessary.'

'Yeah? And what does he say?'

'When he instructs us to stoke the flames, sir?'

'Christ, yes.'

'He says stoke the flames, sir.'

'Right, I guess that makes sense.'

'Very good sir.'

'Shit he's filthy, too.'

'Yes, sir. We assume the stains on his clothes and body are due to all that which currently surrounds him.'

'That is, the earthen structure, sir.'

'I'm glad he hires such bright maids, really I am.'

'We are nurses, sir.'

'We are here to monitor his fluids.'

'And to stoke the flames, sir.'

'Well how're you gonna monitor anything with all this crud around him?'

'Master Glücksschwalbe appears, during the construction process, to have left all his vital cannulae and tubing intact.'

'Thus we can perform our duties without impediment.'

'Except bathing the fucker.'

'Master Glücksschwalbe has instructed us to not remove him from this spot.'

'And but so he only says something when he wants you to throw some logs on the fire, and that's it? What if he needs to, like, defecate?'

'Master Glücksschwalbe's ostomy apparatus also appears to be intact and functioning properly.'

'God he smells like shit too.'

'Yes sir.'

'Master Glücksschwalbe has also expressed that he would like to keep the northeast window open at all times.'

'And he's expressed this how?'

'Well, sir, for the past two nights I have attempted to shut the window after dusk, as the sun's heat no longer—'

'Then what.'

'He, Master Glücksschwalbe, produced some rather unpleasant groans until the window was opened again.'

'I see. So how long's it been did you say?'

'This is the third consecutive night, sir.'

'And why the hell did no one come and tell me?'

'We have left you a number of notes, sir.'

'You've requested of us before that we not disturb you in your private chambers vocally, sir.'

'Okay morons, listen up, when I gave you all the talking-to about the disturbances I made it real damn clear that the blanket ban on vocal disruptions had an exception for emergencies, did I not?'

'You did, sir.'

'Yes sir.'

'Well is this not a goddamn emergency? I mean, am I nutso here or what?'

'Sir I, we, apologize—'

'Sorry sir.'

'—for the lack of notification on our part regarding Master Glücksschwalbe's current condition. We had made the calculation that since Master Glücksschwalbe's vital cannulae and ostomy tubes were still intact—'

'And the linobate implants and suprapubic catheter.'

'Yes, all intact, and functioning, and Master Glücksschwalbe's heart rate and internal temperature has remained consistent with readings prior to two nights ago.'

'We didn't want to bother you, sir.'

'...'

'Master Glücksschwalbe made it quite clear he'd like to keep that window open, Mr. Shaw.'

'It's awful drafty in here, is it not?'

'Leave the window, Thadius.'

'Ah, so the man made of mud and rocks can speak after all.'

'...'

'Oh what are you shy now? Hey! Care to explain what the goddamnit-all is happening in here?'

'...'

'What's that beeping sound now?'

'Master Glücksschwalbe is urinating.'

'It's the yellow tube emerging from the mudpile, just to your left, sir.'

'Look at him, I can see he's smiling under all that gunk.'

'I would love to be able to see out the window again, Thadius.'

'I'm not letting you off that easy, fruit bowl. Say, how long did you say he's been in this thing in front of the fire?'

'This is the third consecutive night, sir.'

'Three consecutive nights of motionless firewatching, you've gone off the deep end this time. Gotta say I'm surprised you made it this long before the mind went, I mean really went.'

'Stoke the flames.'

'Don't you dare pick up that log, no, what did I just say? Put that down, yeah right there.'

'...'

'Well this is just swell, nothing abnormal here, right girls? Hey what have you got there?'

'It's nothing sir, I'm sorry, I'll put it away.'

'Right, well I'll just turn my attention back to mole man, shall I?'

'Yes sir.'

'So I guess what I'd like here is some sort of logical explanation for the primordial pile of earth currently encasing you, dear brother. Though but you're wont to withhold such things, isn't that right? For dramatic effect?'

'...'

'It was a turkey sandwich, sir, I apologize.'

'Tonight is our third consecutive night in the room, Master Glücksschwalbe's requested our presence here.'

'You know, it took me some time, but I can actually envision a number of probable scenarios which led to the two of you being hired, I cannot decide which would be the least infuriating.'

'Very good, sir.'

'Stoke the flames.'

'...'

'Obedient girls you got here, Al.'

'Sir, may I please go to the lavatory urgently?'

'Yes, Chrissake, go, in fact both of you get the hell out of here.'

'Yes sir, we will return when we've finished in the lavatory.'

'Thank you sir.'

'Well, have fun, remember to wash your hands.'

'...'

'What do you want the window open for anyway?'

'I was watching someone, I'd much appreciate it if you would open it again.'

'Someone who? It's dead black out there you can't see five yards past the fence. And you're not even facing the fucking window what am I talking about?'

'On my mantlepiece above the flames before me is a small mirror, this mirror is angled in such a way that the light reflected by the broad face of the hill on the opposite side of our valley, outside, meets with the linobate in my eye sockets, producing an image of a man lounging on his side on the hill's incline, the weight of his torso propped up on an elbow. It is land that, I'm sure you know, belongs to the neighbor, Mr. Elliott.'

'Yeah I'm keenly aware of the hill and its owner, but pal, lemme show you once more...dead black, see?'

'I see a man lounging.'

'Right well the mirror must be right parallel with you then, you're lounging like a barnacle lounges.'

'Are you aware of the historical 1950s?'

'Am I aw—yes, half-vegetable half-pebble, hand to God, I'm well aware of the 50s.'

'Sir, I've returned from the lavatory, and I'm feeling refreshed.'

'Great, glad to hear it.'

'My colleague is still there but she'll be joining us again shortly.'

'Well that's just cheeks, ain't it cheeks mudman?'

'...'

'Come here a moment, would you?'

'Me, sir?'

'You seem to be the only other body here that's unrestricted by hardened soil, wouldn't you agree?'

'Yes sir.'

'Take a look out this window here, tell me what you see.'

'Sir I can see the grass outside, and the dirt, followed later on by the fence.'

'Beyond that, keep going.'

'It appears to be all blackness sir, and above it are the stars, though it's difficult to see them from this room that's currently so flooded with light.'

'Very good, take a seat, take some medicine or something.'

'Yes sir.'

'Theories aren't holding up, my friend. Said theories, in fact, appear to be actively crumbling.'

'The man is called Fledermaus, I've heard. He seems to be very significant. I can only see him through this mirror here on my mantlepiece, above the fire.'

'Right, and I believe that's my cue to flee from this place with great haste. Nurse, I wish I could say it's been a pleasure.'

'Same here sir.'

'Give my regards to your fecally-engaged colleague, I wish you both great, great luck. Brother, I'd always hoped I wouldn't have to bury you, it's wonderful news that you appear to be well on the way to doing it yourself. Ciao.'

'...'

'Goodnight, Mr. Shaw.'

'Well hey, we were just talking about you. Did you light a match at least?'

'Something like that, sir.'

'Attagirl.'

'...'

'...'

'Stoke the flames.'

'...'





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